It’s been a while.  But, something has been on my mind the last couple of days and it’s the time to write.  There has been a death in our family recently and I’ve been thinking about that.  I had picked up a thought I read on the internet a long time ago and made a note of it:  “They didn’t leave you, they simply died.” 

I've “lost” quite a few people in my life; both family and friends.  It has never felt simple.  I don’t just mean the flurry of condolences and visiting, the horrible trip to the funeral home to make arrangements when the pain is still too raw and new, the service, the sympathy.  I mean the business of getting on with life; buying fewer apples at the grocery store, finding laundry takes a little less time, and keeping track of one less person in my life all the time with an aching heart  - not to mention the guilt.  There is always some guilt.  Facing the irrevocability of death is pure misery.  People just don’t come back from death and it’s hard on those of us “left behind”.  I don’t like it.

Still, it lingers in my mind; ”they didn’t leave you…”.   It’s a loud truth that is heard only if you listen very closely.  You have to listen with your heart and be open to those feelings.  I realize suddenly that those people in my life I’ve lost, I remember with love.  They are with me as much today as they ever were.  They are there with a special turn of phrase, a treasured bit of advice, a love for apple pie, a sparkle in the eye, a passion for music, and even gum-chewing  gusto.  Their memories seem as irrevocable as their passing. They are all here with me - every one.  The love, and what I’ve learned from them all, is there to fill the hole.

Coming to terms with death, it’s been one of my hardest lessons.